Sunday, July 02, 2006

The morning after the night (and afternoon) before

So England are out of the World Cup. Ian Wright Wright Wright struggles to hold back the tears in the studio as Gary Lineker ends the show with a sigh. The bods at the Beeb, who only hours before had lovingly crafted a trailer to run on the radio with the optimistic (or arrogant) ending statement "All of England's games are now on the BBC", are, no doubt, hurriedly recording a new one.

Where did it all go wrong? A succession of lacklustre performances pointed to only one, inevitable outcome. When a team that includes some of the highest-paid sportsmen on the planet can't wipe the floor with Paraguay, Trinidad & Tobago and Ecuador (whose combined GDP is probably less than the annual profits of any one of Manchester United, Chelsea or Arsenal), you know something is wrong. There are some talented individuals in the squad, but no sense of a team playing together, and certainly no sense of direction and leadership from a coach who had become a laughing stock before he became the "star" of Alistair McGowan's Big Impression.

We Scots are used to everything from shame and embarrassment at the hands of nations who have only just discovered the "beautiful game" to being being stoic and brave when defeated by the acknowledged masters of the art, but the media puts England on a pedestal and builds up the myth of the team as an invincible force deserving of every honour and plaudit imaginable. We've seen them go out on penalties countless times before, and we've seen them lose to the "hand of God". Now we've seen them go out with a whimper, sent homeward tae think again.

So, who was to blame? Certainly not David Beckham, who left the field injured (then burst into tears) or Steven Gerrard, whose soft, girly penalty would have been unnecessary had the team done the business in regulation time. Was it Wayne Rooney, the wunderkind who, luckily for him and Manchester United (spit), has evolved one baby step beyond the neanderthal (this is, after all, the chap who has stated his affection for Glasgow Rangers), a fact that allows him, when he's not having a hissy fit, to control the ball, pass, shoot and score like any millionaire brat should be able to do for his paycheck? Could be. Was it really necessary to perform the Nutcracker Suite on Cravalho in front of the likes of that smug bastard Christiano "I didn't try to influence the referee" Ronaldo? No, probably not. What, apart from the afforementioned knuckle-dragging gene, possesses a "world-class" footballer not of Latin American descent to do such a thing? Frustration? Who is he frustrated at? Probably Sven, who made an error of judgement in not taking enough strikers (mind you, this is the guy who persistently ignored both Chris Sutton and Alan Thompson), and made a bigger error of judgement in taking an injured Rooney to Germany in the first place. Too much pressure is placed on players to return from injury and perform at the highest level. Sven, who will return home to clear out his desk tomorrow, obviously wanted to get a bit of glory before he went, so needed his best players; Rooney, Owen, Gary Neville.....

My favourite moment from the match: An English player (Carragher?) makes contact with a Portugese player, palm of hand on back, and the Portugal man goes down clutching his face! A real slapstick comedy performance, pushing Peter Crouch's lamentable attempts at running, tackling and ball control into second place. At least Thierry Henry found his va va voom and sent those other smug, cheating gets Brazil out of the competition. Here's hoping France have peaked at the right time and can give Portugal what they deserve on Wednesday. Meanwhile, I'm passing up the opportunity to see Midlake at King Tut's in favour of my beloved Italy against Germany. I've not been following football lately, but I believe that the Azurri have not lost under Marcello Lippi. Germany are doing well under Jurgen Klinsmann. This could be a classic or, like Argentina v Holland, the most damp of all damp squibs, but I guess I'll find out on Tuesday night. Today, a week before the final, football isn't coming home, but England are, and the chickens are coming home to roost for Rooney. The BBC is reporting that FIFA are to investigate him for violent conduct. Here's hoping they have the balls to teach him a lesson.